To Kill a Pawi: The Failed Attempts on Kamla's Life

Between May 6th 2010 to the time of writing it has become clear that our Prime Minister is more endangered and beleaguered than our flora and fauna. To date there have been several plots against the Prime Minister's life. Since no evidence has been produced to support any to date we can only assume that they are all imagined. However, the Eternal Pantomime felt it necessary t0 plot a timeline.

Plot Attempt #1: In May 2010, Fyzabad MP Chandresh Sharma reported to the police that there was a $5m hit on Opposition Leader Kamla Persad-Bissessar. The police promised to keep a close eye and investigate the issue. Mrs Persad-Bissessar was offered police protection, but she bravely declined such. Thus far the investigation into this has not uncovered the identity of the "police officer" who allegedly called the Rienzi Complex in May 2010 to issue the threat. Thus far,  Mrs Bissessar has not been killed by the voice of a police officer and no one has caught the voice, or held the phone for questioning.,120242.html

Plot #2: Our PM would suffer the next attack on her life in early August of  2011 when unidentified mosquitoes carrying the dreaded dengue vector landed on her. To date no mosquito was held for questioning on the matter. tp://

Plot #3: Late August, 2011, days after the announcement of the State of Emergency a 14 year-old-girl with the moniker Granny Quilla launched yet another attack on PM Persad-Bissessar. This time a youtube video was the weapon of choice. In the video, using obscenities and racist slurs, young Quilla expressed a desire to see a sniper attack on PM Persad-Bissessar. The AG called for secret agent Granny Quilla's head; and the PM invited her to tea:  a classic case of Good Cop/Bad Cop. And in the midst of it, the online blogs and social networks collapsed into a froth of naming, blaming and racist slurs.

Plot #4: Following on the heels of the teen assassin Granny Quilla, detractors of the PM got even more creative and deployed not one, but 2 peas tins that, in a well co-ordinated hit attacked the National Grandmother's ankles. This rendered her unable to wear high heels for a few weeks and bed rest at the St. Clair Medical Centre.  The tins of peas were eventually released from detention (and returned to Matouks undented) after the PM revealed that age and perhaps diabetes might have led to the health scare.

Plot #5: By Nov 24th, 2011 it became apparent that the PM's enemies were becoming desperate. The SoE was in full swing and making huge inroads into crime. Old rusty guns had been discovered in the nearby forests, no drugs had been found, thousands of petty criminals or people who resembled her National Security Minister John Sandy, and therefore could be classified as criminals, had been rounded up, detained, imprisoned. Kamla had the criminals on the run, scared, cowering in their Hyatt hotel rooms. This left them with no recourse but to launch a serious attempt on not just the PMs life, but that of several other ministers, in a bid to end the stranglehold this govt had on crime. On November 23rd the armed forces were put on high alert!

The brave PM declared the plot treasonous and an attempt to destabilise the country because of the brilliant job her govt was doing at controlling crime.

By November 29th there was a Zionist Conspiracy to kill the PM as a couple affiliated with Mossad was arrested in connection with the plot.

Kamla was quick to declare the plot foiled and police raids in Laventille, Beetham and all mosques in the country quickly led to the arrest and detention of 17 assassins. They were found to have brand new copies of Sun Tzu's Art of War, used copies of the Q'oran for Jihadists  and To Kill A Mockingbird.,151308.html

By Dec 6th, hours before the SoE was due to end, with no evidence to link the detained men together, apart from their excellent choice in books, all 17 detainees were released.

But the details didn't end there....indeed the plot merely thickened in the release of the detainees. Opposition Leader Keith Rowley quickly threw cold water on the Hot Plot to Assassinate the PM.,151649.html

To date Sun Tzu's Art of War, the Q'uran and Harper Lee's To Kill A Mockingbird refuse to comment on their role in the assassination plot. Kamla, like the Pawi, though endangered, still fights on for dear political life!

*some details were tweaked for comic effect*